The news this morning of Stephen tWitch Boss’s tragic passing broke me.
How absolutely heartbreaking to have someone so young, with a beautiful life ahead of him – take his own life. My heart breaks for his beautiful wife, for his sweet children, and for our world. We lost a beautiful beacon of light today.
Death is a painful part of life, but suicide is something even more heartbreaking and tragic. From experience (my grandfather committed suicide when I was 15), I think it’s most difficult is feeling ROBBED of moments and time that we should have had with the person who took their own life. They didn’t just die, they were stolen from us.
For most, and I think this is the case with tWitch, his family was robbed of something so beautiful – moments of life and love to come, happiness, and a vibrant future with this beloved man.
I remember the scene from P.S. I Love You when Hilary Swank and Kathy Bates were talking about Hilary’s husband dying and Kathy’s husband divorcing her and leaving – never to be heard from again. Kathy Bates sarcastically says, “Oh and it’s just so much easier for me because my husband chose to leave!”
I’ve been thinking about that scene a lot today, and even over the past few months with the death of my mama. I don’t know which is easier – having a long time to say goodbye or having someone die quickly. I also don’t know if a sudden death via a car crash or terminal illness is any easier than someone dying by suicide. They’re all difficult, in their own ways – but something just stings differently when it comes to suicide.
Depression and despair are a suffocating darkness – and something that most people have or will experience at some point in their lives. There have been a lot of people saying today “reach out if you’re struggling”, but the reality is – most people in the midst of this darkness, don’t have the capacity or ability to “reach out.” Suicide is usually *one moment* of deep darkness and despair – that the person doesn’t even recognize that there is a way out, that there is hope, nor is there even a beacon of light.
Two things that I’ve been reflecting on all day is:
People are hurting and we need to do the best we can to take care of our people. We need to create spaces for people to feel comfortable to share their suffering, their struggles, and their darkness. This goes for both men and women. Women may be better at creating these spaces, “reaching out” if they’re struggling, and pursuing therapy and resources – than men. But we all need outlets and spaces where we can share our joys and our sufferings. And we all can do better to support our friends and family – and walk through the dark chapters of life with them. It’s easy to be present in life’s joys and celebrations, it’s quite another to “sit in the suck” with someone. Sit in the suck with your people – and embrace that!
There are NOT proper resources for our people to be helped through the difficult chapters of life. I’ve shared “dial 988” and I have seen a lot of people sharing that today – but have you ever tried calling “988”? As someone who has had numerous people close to me who have been struggling and/or who have been suicidal recently, “988” and all of the other “resources” that are widely promoted and available – turn into a whole wild goose chase and series of hoops to jump through – JUST TO TALK TO SOMEONE. If someone is suicidal, we have ONE MOMENT to be there. When someone has a moment of courage or a thought to even call someone – we need to have someone there, someone available, someone ready and willing to help. I won’t be promoting the usual numbers anymore because I know from recent experience – that they don’t work. But I love and trust @TWLOHA – so I’ll follow them for now…. If you or someone you know needs help and support – Text “TWLOHA” to 741741 or visit: https://twloha.com/find-help/
There is so much work to be done and each and every one of us play a role in that. We need to make the world a better place and have resources available for every single human – no matter what they’re going through.
Do not believe that lie that the world is better without you! You were created for a purpose. You are here for a reason. The world needs your life and your light. Please stay…. No matter how difficult life gets. We love you!
tWitch’s light and legacy will continue to live on through his beautiful wife and their children. I will continue to pray for tWitch’s family and his loved ones.
xo
Kate
